Lol. Here’s the full NSFW post…
"TIFU by Scatmanning a girl I was dating
So quite recently I’ve been listening to the song “Scatman”, which for the uninitiated is a dope song of a dude scatting which kinda goes like “scatdobiddlybiddlygiddlydiddlybiddlydiddly…” and then he says “I’m the Scatman!”.
So I couldn’t get this song out of my head for the past couple days and I was always queuing it up on Spotify.
Long story short a girl I’ve been dating came over last night and my brain didn’t override my stupidity when I decided to add Scatman to my sexytime playlist.
When she came over it was pretty much ‘prepare for battlestations’ from the first minute, so I put the sexytime playlist on shuffle. It started off well with some song from the Mezzanine album, and then one I can’t remember and then a jazzy one. By this point I was just beginning to go down on her.
This is where I fucked up. The Scatman song came up next after the relaxing jazz and it was so fucking jarring.
I guess a normal person would’ve stopped and skipped the song. I really regret not doing that now.
Instead of that, without skipping a fucking beat, I started to use my tongue and went down on her at the same exact pace as the dude in the song was scatting. It was so fast that I had to concentrate hard to get the timing right. I know it probably was bad technique, but I started and I had to commit.
It was probably 9 seconds of doing that before I stopped and came up. I looked into her eyes and perfectly in time with the song I said “I’m the Scatman”.
I don’t know what expression I expected to see on her, my brain clearly short circuited for me to do that in the first place. What I didn’t expect was the look of pure disgust.
That moment went in pure slow motion for me. My brain pretty much exploded and was like “ah fuck I can’t believe I’ve done this”
I saw no means of recovery so I got up and paused the song. And she said “can we just hang for a bit instead” and I agreed. We ended up watching an episode of Friends, both of us refusing to acknowledge what just happened. Then she said she had to go back to her place.
We’ve only been dating for 3 weeks and I’m pretty sure I might’ve totally fucked this up. At least I have a funny story out of it, though I’d much prefer having a girlfriend.
Tldr: Went down on a girl to the Scatman song and now she might turn into a ghost.
UPDATE: Since people have been asking. Nothings really has happened after I texted her “how’s it goin” the next day. Sorry to not have a juicy follow up story. Hopefully we don’t get into the same classes next semester at uni.
If we somehow get back together, I’ll make sure not to remove Scatman from my playlist.
I’m somewhat disturbed by the comments that theorised that she thought I was sexually attracted to fecal matter. I’ll try not to believe it, but looking back on her reaction it does make a lot of sense."
